let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
