Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
