Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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