shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
