why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
