I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
