Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
