I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fuck appropriateness.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
