I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
