His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
