im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
