one might say we're banned from that church
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
