Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
