You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
