You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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