Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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