3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
