Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
