I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
