Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
