I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
