Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
