Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
