We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
