How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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