The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
