It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
