I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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