She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's always time for handjobs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
