Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize