How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
