I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
