No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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