Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
