i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
