So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
