So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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