i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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