I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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