Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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