Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
