Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
