the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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