Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
