Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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