Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
