Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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