i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
