I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
