i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
