The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
